A letter to my body.

My Dearest Body,

Everything is different but nothing has changed. 3 days before double mastectomy to remove cancer, captured by Andres Hernandez make-up and hair by Monica Gaviria. *Censored for my dad's sanity.

I have ignored your cries, called you names, been embarrassed by you, mistreated you, judged you, starved you, and yet still you are here-Loving me.

Now, I just asked you to do the unthinkable. I cut into you, had parts of you cut off, parts of you cut out. I poisoned you over and over for months. Every time you heal. How did I get so lucky to have you?

Body, how quickly you can change, but I find you more beautiful now than ever before. Andres Hernandez captured the transition.  

Finally, I hear your cries as I push you beyond what you are ready to handle. I see your wounds from the abuse I have inflicted upon you. I am sorry. You are the love of my life, with me since the spark of my existence on this Earth and you will be with me until my last breath. You give me unconditional love, you show up without complaining, you support me even though I donโ€™t always support you. 

Skin sparing double mastectomy and skin expanders with a double lumen port on the right side.*Censored for my Dad's sanity. 

I have learned so much from you. You have shown me compassion and compromise. You have been my biggest example of love: quietly sustaining, always there, growing with me through every stage of my life. You show me how inherently intelligent you are and in turn I must be. I donโ€™t know how to grow nails or hair or eyelashes, how to fill the space inside when organs are removed, but you do. You always communicate honestly and immediately. When there is something wrong, you tell me. First with a gentle tap and when I inevitable donโ€™t listen--with a push. 

You only ever want the best for me. You only ever want me to succeed. I love you body! You are my best friend, my confidant, my lover.

You mother me and you protect me. You fight my battles. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, cherish you, hold you, caress you, kiss you, hug you, love you. You accept me and I promise from this point on to accept you. I will listen to you. I will lift you up. I will compliment you. I will feed you. I will mother you. I will protect you. After all you have done for me, this is my promise to you.

Forever in your debt,

Aniela

  • BRCA 1 +
  • Diagnosed Stage 1, Ductal Breast Cancer, ER/PR + & HER2 -, Sept. 30th, 2014
  • Skin Sparing Bilateral Mastectomy with Expanders & Sentinel Lymph node Biopsy, Oct. 24th, 2014
  • Double Lumen Port Placed for Chemo, Dec. 8th, 2014
  • 4 rounds of Adriamycin & Cytoxan, 9 rounds of Taxol, Dec. 17th, 2014 - April 13th, 2015
  • Complete Hysterectomy, Laparoscopic, May 11, 2015